I recently turned 20 years old. On the eve of my birthday, I sat on a pier on Toronto Island and stared at the never-ending horizon of lake Ontario. As I reflected on my 20 years of highs, lows, and goals, my biggest regret was not spending more time with my family. Now I’m not just talking about spending my 20th in Toronto without my mom, I’m talking about years of birthdays, new years, and holidays spent apart from my aunts, uncles and grandparents in China.
Every year when Thanksgiving comes around, I consciously avoid going on social media because my family and I can only enjoy turkey and mash together over facetime. When Chinese New Year comes around, I raise a toast to my phone screen and wish my family “Gong xi fa cai”. I’m sure that separation sadness is a feeling that many first-generation immigrants can relate to. To make up for being so far from my relatives, I really make an effort to stay in touch; especially with my grandparents. When I am back home, I use my mom’s international phone plan to call them every weekend. Most of our conversations are the same; “How’s school going? Are you enjoying your job? Are you dating anyone yet?”. But I know that my grandparents wait around for these phone calls as they make the distance between us that much smaller.
Ever since coming to university, I have not been able to call as often because an international phone plan is real pricey. My grandparents, like all grandparents, are SO technologically challenged; I’ve tried to teach my grandpa on like 15 separate occasions how to use Skype on his ancient computer. Because they do not have cellphones or any apps, the only mode of communication we have is by the good ol’ telephone.
I really beat myself up about growing distant from my grandparents. I know that our time together is so scarce as I’m tied down with school, work and extra curriculars. I haven’t been able to visit them in 3 years and I certainly can’t take a quick road trip to visit. Given that my grandparents are 80+ years old, I feel immense guilt knowing that I won’t be able to see them for at least a couple of years because of the pandemic.
The purpose of this post is not to inspire an impromptu trip back home, but to highlight the importance of family. The purpose of this post is to let TAC readers know that if they feel guilty for drifting away from family that it isn’t their fault. When you can, give your relatives back home a text, call, or email and let them know you’re thinking of them because they’re likely thinking of you too <3
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