Let’s talk about disappointing your parents… The Asian Fail.
Welcome to another blog post! Today’s topic of conversation is one you may or may not have experienced in the past, and this is “The Asian Fail.” Growing up, I have always felt extreme pressure to get the highest grades possible in every subject; anything close to 100% is ideal, an A+. Whether or not your parents made it clear that they had these expectations, I always felt that I had to exceed in my studies as an Asian individual.
Maybe some of you can relate to the feeling of getting back an assignment or test, and your final grade was a B+. Now, to many people, that is an excellent grade that you should be proud of; however, all I could think of is, “wow, that is an Asian fail.” Basically hinting at the fact that if you don’t get an A, anything below is the same as failing. Now, looking at this mindset, it is a tad bit dramatic, but I think we can all agree that there is nothing scarier than showing your parents your grades or report card. Honestly, it has to do with the fact that as an Asian individual, there is nothing more rewarding than getting approval from your parents. So, when you bring them a grade that is not up to standard, definitely expect the “I am not mad, I am just disappointed” talk.
Personally, in high school, this may have consumed a lot of my time, worrying about my grades and how I could be better than my peers academically. I am drained just thinking about how much time I wasted stressing over even the most minor assignments. However, I think overall, I did reasonably well, and it was not a big issue. Fast forward to my first year of university, and I was in for a shock. Excelling in high school was one thing, getting involved with leadership roles, playing on sports teams, getting involved with the arts program, and achieving reasonably high grades. University was almost an environment shock, and it felt like everything I knew didn’t even matter because everyone in my program was the exact same in high school. Struggling to stand out was one issue that I came across, but getting a decent grade was extremely difficult at first.
Moving across the country to live in a city I had never been to before was bold and adjusting to this new environment was not easy. I took so many different courses that involved a lot of commitment to ensure I did not fall behind. Before I knew it, we were getting our marks back from midterms. Not only did I Asian fail one of my midterms, but I fully failed, yes, less than 50%, and I was horrified. How on earth was I supposed to tell my parents?
I think the person I am today would give some critical pieces of advice to cope with dealing with bad marks and strict parents. Obviously, back then, I didn’t have anyone to provide me with this advice, so I hope you can use it and not suffer through the emotional and mental pain that I went through.
Become More Independent
I learned from moving far away from home that your parents aren’t around you to monitor you and every little decision you make. It is your opportunity to discover more about yourself and not worry about the judgement of others, including your parents. If you do poorly on one assignment, it is not the end of the world, and as you get older, you don’t have to tell your parents constantly what is happening in your academics or even in your life. I’m not saying to lie or keep secrets, but I believe that in university, you are responsible for your own actions, behaviours, and results, so you don’t have to feel like you need to report everything that is going on. Enjoy your new freedom and learn some new things about yourself!
Switch Your Focus
My next piece of advice is to switch your focus from solely looking at how well you are doing academically. University is a time where you can get involved in so many other different aspects and extracurriculars and excel in that way. Any person can get decent grades, but the experiences we have and the knowledge we gain make us different from each other and more advantageous in the workplace. Spending all your time in the library is definitely not the way to go, as you will look back at your time at university and want to have exciting memories to share. Marks are not everything, and once you learn to accept that, trust me, you will be much happier.
Ask for Help!
My last piece of advice is not to be afraid to ask for help. Specifically, if you struggle with a specific class or particular content, go see your professor or teaching assistants. It may seem daunting to admit to your professor that you don’t understand something, but this vulnerability can help you succeed academically. Also, working with others can be very helpful as you learn different perspectives and approaches that you would not be able to do on your own.
In summary, I hope that none of you have to go through experiencing the stress of Asian Failure. I also hope you use my advice to ensure that your academic experiences are more optimistic. I am not saying that I am perfect and I know what to do in every situation, quite the opposite actually. But I have an open mindset, and I learn something new every day, as cheesy as that sounds. I hope that the marks you receive in school don’t consume you and that you know to balance your schoolwork, mental health, physical health, and social life! You deserve it :)
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